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ByAlicia Martin on Tuesday, June 6, 2023

Deny Yourself: My Story of Self-Denial & Abundant Life

Alicia Martin By Alicia Martin on Tuesday, June 6, 2023

 

I still remember the moment I heard the words of Mark 8, grasping their significance for the first time. Sitting amongst peers while at university – I was largely preoccupied by ambition and my pursuit of excellence.

I didn’t know a lot back then about what it means to follow Jesus, but I did know Jesus as the Saviour who pulls little children closer, drowning out harshness with His greatness. His hands had sheltered my heart throughout my youth and brought along gifts of companionship, discipleship, and understanding. I felt cherished by Jesus and it was his inordinate compassion towards me that kept me tethered to Him. 

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” -Mark 8:34

Deny - the word sprang out at me, convicting and exposing me. 

What did that mean? 

I was well positioned to pursue the American Dream and succeed at it, and denying myself in any way was not really part of the plan. So tangibly struck, I fumbled to respond to those words within our group, finally landing on, “I don’t think I’m doing that”. 

“For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it.” -Mark 8:35

Oh boy, somehow denying myself was connected to losing my life and that was not anywhere on my to-do list. I was on track for a comfortable life, full of all the perks of a first-world society, with no regard for the reality that no one avoids suffering anyway.

Syncretism in Missions

In missions we often talk about syncretism – the mixing of two different religions or world views. It’s often mentioned in the context of establishing a church in a community that holds tightly to an animistic worldview; it can be difficult for new hearers of the Gospel to fully let go of their traditional beliefs.

But syncretism is not just “out there”; it's right here amongst us. 

The message of live-your-best-life strangely makes its way into our teams and organizations and our so-called self-denial shows up as holier-than-thou interactions, unspoken celebrity status, and “Christian” prestige.

We know how to leave our homes, forgo careers, even put our safety and health at risk. But self-glory is tough to give up.

That word “deny” sank into me, and it didn’t fit well.  I tried hard, but I simply could not squeeze it in right next to my self-protection, self-focus, and self-glory.  And while I desperately wanted to rationalize my selfishness, I could not shake the feeling that I was either going to deny myself or I was going to deny my experience of Christ’s compassion...life itself. 

What I’ve Learned about Denying Myself

Over the last 20+ years, I’ve learned a few things about denying myself, and as much as I could sort of figure it out, I’ve at least tried to apply this passage. 

I certainly felt like I was denying myself when I left home and a nicely paying job to pursue missions, when I was sweating in the heat of West Africa - killing cockroaches and armies of ants - and while I continued in ministry though much disillusionment, heartache, and grief.     But what I’ve learned the most over the years is that denying myself starts deep within my heart. 

Jesus calls me to boldly deny my self-righteousness, my arrogance, my desire to reject those I don’t understand, and my default to hate those who have hurt me.

Actually, denying myself and following Jesus leads me straight towards loving others; it leads me to the compassion of Christ I know so intimately – and not only towards the nations and people at large, but all the more my brothers and sisters in Christ, with whom I am called to work alongside to proclaim the Gospel. 

It doesn’t just require me to give up material things, lifestyles, or personal plans. It requires me to deny my sinful mind and proud heart from determining how I will interact with others. 

It means that every day, all day, I must make internal choices that value others over myself.

Most of the time, no one even knows the battles I fight.

But Jesus knows.

And He reminds me that it is okay for me to deny myself because my heart is safe with Him.   

Self-Denial in Missions Culture

In 1 Corinthians 6, Paul alludes to this concept; in response to believers taking each other to court, Paul says that for the sake of the Gospel it would be better to let ourselves be wronged.  That’s not to say that we condone sin, but as it turns out, being right is not the primary goal, being better than each other is not the goal – proclaiming and demonstrating the radical love of Jesus is. 

All of this is hard, certainly because it doesn’t come naturally, but also because our Christian and mission cultures allow for a bit of syncretism – a mixture of the Gospel with the dark side of the American dream.  Without really thinking about it, we allow for self-serving policies to be created, spiritual elitism to be presumed, subtle shaming to be normalized, and competition within ministries to be acceptable. In other words, we’ve made room for the pursuit of self - in leadership, on the frontlines, and everywhere in between.

I wonder sometimes how Paul would respond to the ways we relate to each other through our infrastructures, boardroom meetings, individual conversations, and private emails. As we grapple with differences of perspective, who is in the centre of those discussions? And I wonder if we forget that proclaiming the Gospel starts with rejecting our conceited hearts and embracing the meekness and gentleness of Jesus - bringing Him into every word we speak and attitude we carry.

Self-Denial & Missionary Care

My husband and I have been serving in the ministry of Member Care for about 12 years now.  Together we’ve cared for fellow missionaries through all sorts of formal and informal methods – workshops, debriefing, middle-of-the night texts, and hours of wading into the hardships of others. 

But that’s been the easy part. 

The hard part has been that it’s forced me to think a lot about how I can genuinely love all of my brothers and sisters in Christ – the ones that think through issues differently than me, the ones that seem to excel more than me, the ones that challenge my thresholds, and even the ones who have offended me – and I find that Jesus draws me back to Mark 8 and to what it means to follow Him. 

And he calls me to work hard at understanding, reject my self-righteousness, practice transparency, allow myself to be stretched uncomfortably, actively honor others, rejoice in their victories, and above all, above all, move towards profound humility. 

These are the ways we courageously care for each other.  And much to my surprise, these unnatural life-transformations have also been supernaturally life-giving. 

Self-Denial & Abundant Life

So, what does self-denial look like?

The answers to that are great, told through the brave stories of men and women whose names I largely don’t know because self-denial does not include making a name for ourselves. 

For some of us, it will mean giving up our career, our home, our dreams. 

For all of us, it means denying our self-centered hearts and picking up our crosses with bold humility and courageous care. 

But what is counterintuitive about it all is that as we focus on magnifying the name of Jesus and stop worrying about our own name - going against the grain of society and our own inclinations - we indeed experience the abundant life that we all long for.  


Alicia has served in missions for 20 years along with her husband Brian, both overseas and in Canada. She has been serving in Member Care since 2012 and cares deeply about the health and wellbeing of missionaries and their families. Besides caring for their five kids, she serves with the MORE Network, alongside Brian, providing administrative support and hosting/caring for missionaries. She has a Master of Theological Studies and enjoys studying and teaching the Bible.



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Did you miss our past blogs? Check them out below!

 

Returning Home for the First Time

It was the 17th of November 2023. Our Biman Bangladesh Airlines evening flight began its somewhat rocky decent into Dhaka, Bangladesh. The city sprawled for miles with concrete apartment buildings as far as the eye could see. I was travelling with my wife, Reaghan, and our friends, Emma and Mitchell. This was the first time I’d be setting foot in the city and country I spent the first 12 years of my life in as an MK (Missionary Kid)...

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5 Ways to Pray for MORE Network in 2024

At the MORE Network, the key verse we’ve chosen for 2024 is Exodus 33:14: “The Lord replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” Exodus 33:14 (NIV)

Prior to this verse, God had told Moses to lead the Israelites to a land flowing with milk and honey but that He would not go with them. In response Moses says in verse 15, “If your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here.”

Just as Moses did not want to go forward without God, neither do we in the MORE Network. Not only do we want God to direct us in the way we should go in 2024, but we also want His presence to go with us.

Here are 5 Areas of Prayer for the MORE Network in 2024! 

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Lament of a Returning Missionary

Loosely based on Psalm 13, here is a prayer of lament of a returning missionary. 

How long, Lord, will I miss our former HOME where I sobbed in frustration and prayed, pounding on heaven’s door to learn language(s) & culture, and how to buy food and learn to survive, let alone thrive? ...

 

Read more...

Christmas Memories from Around the World

Watermelon, Handprints and Fireworks ... What do they all have in common? They are all elements of favourite Christmas memories and traditions from our MORE Network staff, from around the world! 

Read more...

Deeply Rooted

We invite you to join us during this season of generosity so that, together, we can give Missionary Kids and their families the opportunities to experience a richer soil in Christ and broader branches in community. 

Read more...

The Eternal Benefits of Debriefing

I recently returned from RE-VIEW, a week-long family debriefing retreat, where I served as an adult facilitator and debriefer.

While there, I had the honour of hearing the stories of missionaries who have worked in the overseas ministry context for many years. And boy, did I feel inadequate for the task as some of them had faithfully served a lifetime, having much more cross-cultural experience than I have and the wisdom that accompanies such incredible life experiences.

But what struck me the most and motivated me all the more to listen, was that many of these seasoned missionaries never had the opportunity to actually share their full stories with anyone – that is their deeply personal and valuable stories, the good, the bad and the ugly. And that’s really a reflection and a limitation of our modern missionary movement; missionaries often feel obligated to share only the positive experiences and their successes, lest they be judged or misunderstood, or worse, lose vital financial or personal support...

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Bonds Beyond Borders: The Impact of ReBoot on MKs

There is something so beautiful about the quick bonds that form between MKs (Missionary Kids), who understand each other despite having drastically different life experiences. It’s like a breath of fresh air to be surrounded by people who have gone through similar life experiences. It helps you to share on a more honest and intimate level.

Each year, the MORE Network runs Classic ReBoot, a re-entry retreat for missionaries’ kids (MKs) aged 17-20 returning to life in Canada. This is a crucial time in the lives of these young adults, many of whom are not only adjusting to a new culture, but also to new schools, jobs, relationships, and living situations.

In this article, Malik, shares about his own experience at Classic ReBoot, as well as an inside scoop from attendees of the most recent Classic ReBoot!

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Adult Third Culture Kid Research: The Heart Behind the Research

This summer, we had the privilege of connecting with Shelly Lyons about her research on Adult Third Culture Kids. Listen in to hear more about the “heart” behind the research and her big picture dreams for how it will be used! 

Adult Third Culture Kids (ATCK) are adults whose lives were shaped by mobility and cross-cultural experiences during their childhood. According to Merriam Webster, a “Third Culture Kid (TCK)” refers to "a child who grows up in a culture different from the one in which his or her parents grew up ... The 'third culture' to which the term refers is the mixed identity that a child assumes, influenced both by their parents' culture and the culture in which they are raised."

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Is Competition a Biblical Value?

One Sunday morning in the church where I pastored, a family came to me and shared how some of their friends had left our church to go to another church: a "competitor church". They were completely distracted by their news. Does the Bible encourage us to compete with fellow believers? Is there such a thing as a competitor church?

Read more...

Returning Home for the First Time
It was the 17 th of November 2023. Our Biman Bangladesh Airlines evening flight began its somewhat rocky decent into Dhaka, Bangladesh. The city sprawled for miles with concrete apartment buildings as far as the eye co...
Read more...
5 Ways to Pray for MORE Network in 2024
At the MORE Network, the key verse we’ve chosen for 2024 is Exodus 33:14: “The Lord replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” Exodus 33:14 (NIV) Prior to this verse, God had told Moses to l...
Read more...
Lament of a Returning Missionary
Loosely based on Psalm 13, here is a prayer of lament of a returning missionary.  How long, Lord, will I miss our former HOME where I sobbed in frustration and prayed, pounding on heaven’s door to learn language(s...
Read more...
Christmas Memories from Around the World
Watermelon, Handprints and Fireworks ... What do they all have in common? They are all elements of favourite Christmas memories and traditions from our MORE Network staff, from around the world! 
Read more...
Deeply Rooted
We invite you to join us during this season of generosity so that, together, we can give Missionary Kids and their families the opportunities to experience a richer soil in Christ and broader branches in community. 
Read more...
The Eternal Benefits of Debriefing
I recently returned from RE-VIEW, a week-long family debriefing retreat, where I served as an adult facilitator and debriefer. While there, I had the honour of hearing the stories of missionaries who have worked in...
Read more...
Bonds Beyond Borders: The Impact of ReBoot on MKs
There is something so beautiful about the quick bonds that form between MKs (Missionary Kids), who understand each other despite having drastically different life experiences. It’s like a breath of fresh air to be surro...
Read more...
Adult Third Culture Kid Research: The Heart Behind the Research
This summer, we had the privilege of connecting with Shelly Lyons about her research on Adult Third Culture Kids. Listen in to hear more about the “heart” behind the research and her big picture dreams for how it will b...
Read more...
Is Competition a Biblical Value?
One Sunday morning in the church where I pastored, a family came to me and shared how some of their friends had left our church to go to another church: a "competitor church". They were completely distracted by their ne...
Read more...
Deny Yourself: My Story of Self-Denial & Abundant Life
“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” -Mark 8:34 I still remember the moment I heard the words of Mark 8, grasping their significance for the first time. Si...
Read more...